Why do guys confuse emotions with feelings? 🤔

Hey man,

Ever lose your cool ... and maybe punch a wall...

Then spend weeks hating yourself for it?

That's not one problem.

That's FOUR different problems...

And most men can't tell them apart.

Let me explain ...

Emotions ≠ Feelings

They're as different as lightning and thunder.

One's the flash. Emotions.

One's the thunder that follows. Feelings.

Mix them up?

And you drive blind into a storm. ⛈️

Let's pull back the curtain ... on what's really happening inside you...

The 4-Layer System:

Layer 1: EMOTIONS ⚡ (2-90 seconds)

Raw chemical reactions.

Body-first responses.

Gone in under 2 minutes.

Think: Fist clenching when cut off in traffic.

Layer 2: FEELINGS 🤔 (minutes to hours)

Your brain's story about the emotion.

The meaning you attach ... Can loop for hours in your mind.

Think: "That guy disrespected me"

Layer 3: MOODS ☁️ (hours to days)

The emotional weather pattern.

Colors everything you see.

Builds from repeated feelings.

Think: Everything sucks ... or doesn't suck today.

Attitude is mood's cousin.

Think: What's my attitude about this thing?

Person. Location. Challenge. Etc.

Layer 4: TEMPERAMENT 🧬 (months to lifetime)

Your baseline setting DNA + learned patterns.

Your emotional operating system (OS).

Think: "I've always been hot-headed" 😡 

Or ... "I've always been cool under pressure" 😎 

Think also: It's learned behavior over time.

Here's what kills most men...

... Yes YOU ... reading this.

They think it's all the SAME thing.

So they try to "control emotions" (impossible)...

When they should manage feelings (totally doable).

Meet John...

48-year-old Welder...

"Anger problem" for 30 years...

Wife threatened divorce. Twice.

He learned the 90-second rule [1]:

Any pure emotion dies in 90 seconds.

That's it.

The chemical brain cocktail flood ...

lasts 90 seconds max. 🧠 🍹 [1]

After that?

You're not feeling the emotion...

You're feeling your THOUGHTS about it.

Here's an easy example for you to understand:

John's pattern...

• 0 - 90 seconds: Pure anger (emotion)

• 90 seconds - 3 hours: Revenge fantasies (feelings)

• 3 hours - 3 days: Bitter mood

• 3 days - 30 years: "Angry guy" identity

See the progression?

Ok, so what's the fix?

Give these a try...

The 90-Second Protocol:

When emotion hits:

1. Set a timer ⏰ Only 90 seconds. Count in your head ... if you have to.
   
   

2. Feel it fully 🔥 Don't resist. Judge. Suppress. Let it burn through.
   
   

3. Watch it fade 🌊 Notice the chemical ebb & flow pass thru you.
   
   

4. Choose your story 📖 What feeling will you create? THINK MENTAL REFRAME.

John's breakthrough came in at week 3...

Cut off in traffic.

Rage floods. (Emotion) [5]

Sets timer. 90 seconds.

Breathes.

At 87 seconds... it's gone.

"Holy sh*t ... this actually works."

For the first time in 30 years...

He felt the emotion WITHOUT becoming it. [4]

... Read that AGAIN.

We know it's not easy.

But with practice ...

you get to choose and control ...

How you feel ...

instead of your Emotions & Feelings ...

controlling YOU.

So choose wisely, my man.

TESTS & RANGES:

Emotional Duration Test: 

Track how long your emotions actually last. [9][10][11]

• Under 90 seconds: Normal (healthy)

• 2-5 minutes: Extended (feelings creeping in)

• 5+ minutes: Hijacked (stuck in feelings loop)

PANAS Assessment (Positive/Negative Affect Schedule) [2]:

Rate these daily (1-5 scale):

• Positive: Interested, excited, strong, enthusiastic, proud.

• Negative: Distressed, upset, guilty, scared, hostile.

Healthy range: 3+ positive, under 2 negative.

The Layer Hacks:

For Emotions: Let them flow (90-second rule)

For Feelings: Challenge the story Ask: "Is this thought helpful?"

For Moods: Change your state. Think: Cold showers, stand up straight, sauna, massage, workout, go for a walk, play your favorite music.

For Temperament: Long-term rewiring. Think: Meditation, therapy, journaling, consistent practice of mental reframes.

The Male Dilemma:

Studies show men are actually MORE emotional than women [3]...

Or... men experience similar ...

even more intense emotions in certain contexts. [7][8]

(Hey ... we're just as surprised as you are.) 🤠 

But MEN are worse at identifying what they feel. 🤔 

Men have the reactions.

Men lack the vocabulary.

It's like having a Ferrari engine...

With a bicycle's steering wheel.

No wonder YOU crash! 💥

Your Daily Practice:

Morning: Identify your baseline mood Rate 1-10, name it.

Emotion hits: 90-second timer Let it pass, choose your response. (Use Frankl's "Gap" method.)

Evening: Review the layers Which dominated today?

And John now?

Got promoted to lead welder. Plus company profit sharing.

Marriage more loving ... affectionate ... passionate ... than ever.

Teenage kids actually respect him.

All because he learned the difference ...

between emotions and feelings ... [6]

and a proven protocol on HOW to handle them.

Tomorrow?

I'm giving you the 5-tool emergency kit...

When emotional avalanches threaten...

These tools stop them cold. Baby.

Including the one technique Special Forces use...

To go from panic to purpose in 60 seconds flat.

(SEALs use it in Fallujah, Iraq ... works in your family room too).

Master your layers,

Mens Health Secrets
–Live Past 100

P.S. Tomorrow's 5-tool protocol combines all three pioneers' methods ... into one bulletproof system. From rage to reason in 60 seconds... this changes everything about emotional control forever.

P.P.S. Boring disclaimer: Always check with your doctor... before you start any new health protocol or treatment. This includes any recommendations from our newsletter (Mens Health Secrets). This information is for entertainment and educational purposes only... and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Mens Health Secrets is not legally responsible for any actions you do... or not do from reading our newsletter.

P.P.P.S. >>> Go here to subscribe to our Mens Health Secrets YouTube Channel if you haven't yet... leave a comment... and level up your Mens Health knowledge to live longer.

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Medical References:

[1] Taylor, J. B. (2008). My stroke of insight: A brain scientist's personal journey. Viking. ISBN: 978-0670020744. https://www.amazon.com/My-Stroke-Insight-Scientists-Personal/dp/0670020745/

[2] Watson, D., Clark, L. A., & Tellegen, A. (1988). Development and validation of brief measures of positive and negative affect: The PANAS scales. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54(6), 1063-1070. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.54.6.1063

[3] Deng Y, Chang L, Yang M, Huo M, Zhou R. Gender Differences in Emotional Response: Inconsistency between Experience and Expressivity. PLoS One. 2016 Jun 30;11(6):e0158666. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0158666. PMID: 27362361; PMCID: PMC4928818.

[4] Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348-362. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348

[5] Davidson, R. J., Putnam, K. M., & Larson, C. L. (2000). Dysfunction in the neural circuitry of emotion regulation--a possible prelude to violence. Science, 289(5479), 591-594. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.289.5479.591

[6] Barrett, L. F., Gross, J., Christensen, T. C., & Benvenuto, M. (2001). Knowing what you’re feeling and knowing what to do about it: Mapping the relation between emotion differentiation and emotion regulation. Cognition and Emotion, 15(6), 713–724. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699930143000239

[7] Weigard, A., Loviska, A.M. & Beltz, A.M. Little evidence for sex or ovarian hormone influences on affective variability. Sci Rep 11, 20925 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-00143-7

[8] McRae K, Ochsner KN, Mauss IB, Gabrieli JJD, Gross JJ. Gender Differences in Emotion Regulation: An fMRI Study of Cognitive Reappraisal. Group Process Intergroup Relat. 2008 Apr;11(2):143-162. https://doi.org/10.1177/1368430207088035. PMID: 29743808; PMCID: PMC5937254.

[9] Verduyn, P., Lavrijsen, S. Which emotions last longest and why: The role of event importance and rumination. Motiv Emot 39, 119–127 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-014-9445-y

[10] Lange J. Embedding Research on Emotion Duration in a Network Model. Affect Sci. 2023 Aug 12;4(3):541-549. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42761-023-00203-3. PMID: 37744980; PMCID: PMC10513999.

[11] Verduyn, P., Delvaux, E., Van Coillie, H., Tuerlinckx, F., & Van Mechelen, I. (2009). Predicting the duration of emotional experience: Two experience sampling studies. Emotion, 9(1), 83–91. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0014610